it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
