i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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