I hate all girls vehemently.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
