I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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