Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
