she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So many bounce houses so little time
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
