i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.