take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.