dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.