I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.