my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward