Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter