i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
false alarm. still invincible.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
