My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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