i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
