You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize