I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
