Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
