We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
