i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!