Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo