Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"