frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
