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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(

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• (727): View more from Florida

  he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.

  Fav 39 5828 1255

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

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• (925): View more from California

  I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.

  Fav 7 4172 1114

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  The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped

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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job

  Fav 8 1573 900

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis

  Fav 5 2137 820

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  19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.

  Fav 5 1247 650

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• (707): View more from California

  I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?

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