you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
