we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
