Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have fence marks all over my body
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
