wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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