I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
