I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
