so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
