Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
