just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize