I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize