Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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