I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
