I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
