zippers are such a cool invention
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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