So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
