Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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