he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
