I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this beer tastes like vomit already
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
