I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
