sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
