I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
