3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
