Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
