I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
