Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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