We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
