I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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