It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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