sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
