Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
