Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
