I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
