Who wears a wallet chain?!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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