i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
