So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
