apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
