So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
