hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
