I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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