I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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