so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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