he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
