Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
