Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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