i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
