i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You are the jesus of drinking
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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